


Purple and Blue

by orphan_account



Series: Life After Him [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Brain Surgery, Car Accidents, Doctor Gemma, Doctor Harry, Doctor Liam, Doctor Zayn, Established Relationship, Grey's Anatomy References, Hurt No Comfort, I don't know why I wrote this, M/M, Major Character Injury, Major character death - Freeform, Marriage, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Trauma, Sad Ending, Sad Louis, Surgeon Harry, Surgery, google was my best friend, i tried being as accurate with the medical stuff but idk, im so sorry, liam and zayns relationship is implied, niall will be in this in the future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-14 13:24:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7173641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Harry, I can’t breathe. It’s like you were my air. I don’t care how cliché that sounds, oh my god Harry I can’t fucking breathe because you’re purple and blue and I know that there’s nothing in there but you still look so beautiful."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Purple and Blue

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a short series of how they all cope.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy (:  
> I love feedback if you guys love to give it xx

“I thought you would have planned this traffic into your ‘day off’ schedule.” Louis said smirking looking over at his husband who threw his head back with a grunt. Harry had a limited amount of days off being that he was the best neurosurgeon in the upper east side he rarely had time to get a haircut, so having a day off was a rare thing. Having his hardworking, hot, life-saving husband all to himself is something Louis swears feels better than sex. Until Harry throws him on the bed, well then Louis swears it feels almost as good as sex.

 

“They’re going to give our table to someone else. Babe, could you call really quick and tell them we’re going to be about 10 minutes late?” Harry asked moving to the cross of the intersections where the traffic lights were broken which was causing this back up. Louis grabbed Harry’s phone and called the restaurant, he rolled his eyes as they immediately put him on hold. He turned to Harry and lined his jaw with his thumb smiling.

 

“Li told me they have the best cheesecake in the city.” Harry said, looking over at Louis. Who even though his brows were furrowed at the annoying hold music, he still looked so beautiful, like an angel made just for him. Harry must’ve been Mother Teresa in his past life to deserve someone like this. Harry looked over to see the cars next to him start moving, so he pressed on the gas.

 

“HARRY!”

 

Is all he heard until he felt his whole body being jerked to the side, glass flying everywhere and being thrown upside down. He tried to stay awake. He’s a damn surgeon he knows how important it is to stay conscious right now, but the last thing he remembers is seeing Louis struggling to take his seat belt off, blood falling down his face, until everything went black.

 

**

 

“Harry. Baby, please wake up. The ambulance is coming okay. You’re okay.” Louis whispered wiping the blood falling out of Harry’s nose. Louis doesn’t really remember how he got out of the car, only that a bunch of people were trying to help and others were just watching. The car that crashed into them was somewhere on the other side of the road obviously not flipped over because it seemed like him and Harry were holding everyone’s attention. Louis heard people calling 911 and asking him if he was okay. He was covered in blood, he just didn’t know if it was his or Harry’s.

 

Louis couldn’t breathe. Harry was just lying their upside down, blood coming out of his nose and his mouth. Louis can’t breathe.

 

“Why is the ambulance taking so long?”

 

“This man is going to die.”

 

“He’s bleeding out.”

 

Was all Louis could make out from the group of people talking behind him. He just kept his eyes on Harry. Wiping the blood from his face and putting his hand on his chest to make sure he was breathing. Hoping he would wake up, so he can tell him what to do, tell him that everything was going to be okay.

 

“Lou.” Harry coughed out. Lifting his hand to feel the blood on his forehead and his nose. Louis laid down on the road holding Harry’s bloody hand in his and finally feeling Harry squeeze back.

 

“Baby, they called the ambulance it’s coming. You’re gonna be okay. Please be okay.” Louis sobbed out relived that Harry is alive but scared at the fact that now he may have to watch him die.

 

“I- you need to try and get me out of here. I’m bleeding internally and I probably have a subdural hematoma, if I stay upside down like this, I’m going to clot. I need to get out.” Harry said looking at Louis’ wide eyes. Louis nodded frantically and stood up to get the men that helped him out of the car.

 

“My husband, the one in the car, he’s a surgeon he says he has to get out of the car or his blood will start clotting.” Louis said rapidly pointing at Harry. He watched as the men ran over to him, leaving Louis to try and catch up.

 

“Make sure my neck doesn’t make any excessive movements please.” Harry said as the guys unbuckled his seat belt and grabbed him by his underarms. Even when his brain is bleeding and he is swallowing blood he was still so polite. Louis has never heard Harry scream this loud. He’s never seen Harry cry this much. It was killing him. Watching his husband being pulled out of their upside down car, bleeding everywhere, in pain knowing he couldn’t do anything to help. Once the man laid Harry on the road gently, Louis ran over to him and kneeled next to him cradling him in his arms.

 

“I love you so much Louis.” Harry whispered looking up at him. Louis looked down wiping away the blood that was running down his chin, and trying to not sob. He looked at Harry, his pupils were blown, his eyes foggy. It wasn’t his Harry.

 

“Lou, are my pupils blown?” He asked. Louis nodded and Harry grabbed Louis’ arm, squeezing it, as if trying to show Louis how strong he still was, and to assure himself he still had his reflexes.

 

Harry coughed and let the blood fall down his neck, watching Louis cry and yell for someone to call 911 again because where is that damn ambulance? “Hey, boobear,” Louis instantly looked down moving Harry’s hair out of his face. “If anything happens to me I want you to have all of it.”

 

Louis’ eyes went wide and he started crying even more. How can Harry say this? How can Harry lay in Louis’ arms, so calm, in so much pain telling him what to do if he doesn’t make it? “No, nothing’s going to happen to you okay. The ambulance is going to be here any minute and Liam, Zayn and everyone are going to make sure you’re okay.” Harry ignored him.

 

“I want you to have all the money, the houses, the cars. Make sure my mom never has to worry about bills. Help your mom. Help your sisters and your brother with their school. Make sure Gemma has the massive wedding she wants okay. An- “

 

“Harry stop, nothing is going to happen to you.”

 

“And I want you to find someone. Okay. Find someone who loves you, who treats you like you’re the world. Someone who takes care of you. Anybody but Nick. Don’t fall in love with Nick if I die okay.” He chuckled, wincing as the pain in his head increased.

 

Louis let out a wet chuckle wiping his tears. “I’m never going to fall in love with anyone else because you’re not dying Haz.” Harry weakly nodded feeling his eyes droop.

 

“Lou, I’m losing too much blood. I’m most likely going to pass out any second. Make sure to tell the EMT’s how long I’ve been out, and that I’m allergic to penicillin okay. I love you. I love you so so much.” Harry said as his arms went limp under Louis’ hold. Louis couldn’t hold in his scream once he saw Harry’s eyes close. He kept his two fingers on Harry’s bloody neck to make sure he felt a heartbeat, and when he didn’t feel it anymore, when there was no pulse, Louis couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe.

 

“I called the hospital sir, they said the ambulance is stuck in traffic but should be here any minute.” A woman came up to Louis. He looked up at her trying to tell her it was too late, there was no heartbeat. Until he remembered what Harry taught him.

 

“I need you to kneel down next to him and check for a pulse every 5 minutes, please.” Louis said, voice breaking as he got on top of Harry starting to give him chest compressions.

 

“Huh. Huh. Huh. Huh. Stayin’ Aive. Stayin’ Alive.” He sang under his breath as he pushed onto Harry’s chest. Praying that the lady will tell him she found a pulse. Hoping Harry would just wake up and walk off into the sunset hand in hand with him. But, he never heard the women tell him there was a pulse and Harry didn’t wake up. About 10 minutes later, Louis heard the sirens wailing and the shuffle of people flying out of the ambulance and setting up a gurney.

 

“What do we have?” One of the EMT’s said as he kneeled down and placed his two fingers on Harry’s neck, trying to feel a pulse that wasn’t there. Louis looked up, never stopping his pushing.

 

“Harry Styles, I lost his pulse about 10 minutes ago. He said he possibly has internal bleeding and subdermal hematoma. And he’s allergic to penicillin.”

 

The EMT’s eye widen when he heard Louis say who was under him. Louis assumed he knows him from his visits to the hospital and the amount of patients that Harry takes from him. He quickly goes to the ambulance and comes back with a bunch of things flying in his arms.

 

“Mr. Styles, I’m going to need you to hop off of your husband while we slide him on the gurney.” Another EMT said. Louis’ eyes widen and violently shakes his head.

 

“I- I can’t. If I stop, his heart will stop and he’ll die.” He cried out.

 

“We’ve got someone ready to bag him. It’s okay. We’ve got him. You can ride with him in the back of the ambulance.” Louis nodded and slowly stood up off of Harry and watched as they slowly put Harry on the gurney. Everything after that was all in fast-forward. Someone was at his side immediately bagging him, and rushing him into the truck, while someone else was taking Louis by the elbow and helping him sit down on a cold metal seat as he watched an EMT put a needle in Harry’s arm and yell at the driver to hurry the fuck up.

 

“Is he going to die?” Louis asked just above a whisper. He’s surprised the man even heard him, considering how busy he was taking Harry’s vitals.

 

“He’s very strong.” Said the man looking at Louis with big, dopey, sympathized eyes. And Louis just looked down at his husband. He knew he was strong. That’s not what he fucking asked.

 

“Do you feel okay? You have a pretty deep cut on your arm there.” He pointed out. Louis looked down and saw his arm bleeding. He didn’t even feel it, all he could feel was the fact of never hearing Harry’s voice again, or feeling his arms around him.

 

“I’m fine. Just make sure he doesn’t die.”

 

**

 

Louis saw all the doctors standing outside of the emergency room doors, wearing those yellow blanket looking things that are only used for really bad traumas. His Harry is considered an urgent trauma. What world is he in.

 

Once the EMT crashes out of the doors taking Harry with him he sees Liam and Zayn’s breath hitch as they realize who’s lying on the gurney.

 

“Harry,” Zayn says, his voice breaking at the sight of his best friend with blood dripping from his nose and practically everywhere else, “Fill me in.”

 

“Harry Styles, 33-year-old male. Head on vehicle accident, flipped over. Possible brain injury and internal bleeding, no recognizable heart beat or pulse. Has been down for about 20 minutes or so. No readable BP obtained.” The EMT quickly says letting the doctors and nurses rail Harry into the nearest trauma room, Louis swiftly following behind. 

 

“Page cardio, neuro and ortho stat!” Zayn screamed at an intern who quickly fumbled out of the room. Louis just stood there, watching all of the doctors rip Harry’s clothes off and intubate him. Everything seems like it’s moving so slow. Like nobody is working as fast as they possibly can to save his husband. He sees Gemma, who seems to be the cardio surgeon on call running into the room, right past him, but stopping dead in her tracks when she noticed it was her brother laying on the gurney.

 

“Oh my god what happened?” Nick asked, checking Harry’s legs and pelvis and making sure they are all in place.

 

“O-our car, it flipped. He tried to move but it was just so fast.” Louis said, causing everyone to turn and look at him except for Gemma who just kept on staring at Harry. They probably didn’t know he was there until now.

 

 “Gems if you can’t do this page the other cardio surgeon on call please. This is urgent.” Liam said, looking over at her.

 

“No, no family is allowed to work on him.” Nick said wrapping Harry’s ankle with gauze.

 

“He’s going into v fib. Zayn start compressions.” Liam said getting the paddles ready. “Everybody in this damn room is his family,” Liam said to Nick. “Charge to 100. Clear.” Liam yelled, Zayn stopping compressions. Everyone watched as Harry’s heart beat didn’t go back to normal.

 

“Okay, charge to 200!” Liam yelled. He saw Harry’s body violently shake up but still no heartbeat. Louis couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“LIAM YOU HAVE TO SAVE HIM! WHY ISN’T HIS HEART BEATING? LIAM PLEASE.” Louis yelled sobbing, clawing at his neck trying to breathe. He couldn’t do this. He slid down outside of the room and just cried, and yelled. Trying to drown out the sound of all the doctors yelling and running to get Harry in to the OR. Louis couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. He could not fucking breathe.

 

“Mr.Styles? C’mon let’s go get this cut sewed up for you and go to the waiting room to wait for an update okay?” A nurse said softly, taking Louis by the arms and guiding him somewhere that wasn’t with Harry. And he still couldn’t breathe.

 

**

 

“Zayn how is it looking?” Liam asked, as he saw Zayn curse and start irrigating Harry’s brain like a mad man.

 

“He’s bleeding so damn much Li.” Liam sighed and kept on cauterizing the cut on Harry’s intestine. He has to save Harry. Not just because he an amazing person and an amazing surgeon but because he’s one of his best friends. He’s Louis’ husband. This is way beyond the point of personal, it’s crazy what Liam will do to save Harry right now.

 

“He’s going into v fib.” The anesthesiologist said getting up and inserting a drug into Harry’s IV.

 

“You can’t shock him I have his brain open. Liam don’t. Just give me a few more minutes.” Zayn said. Liam frantically looked at Harry’s heart monitor and over at Zayn then at the interns, who were looking equally as frantic.

 

“Zayn, we need to shock him. If he’s down for too long it’s done.” Liam said rubbing the paddles together. Zayn sighed and nodded stepping away from his patient. Liam nodded, “Charge to 200. Clear.” He shocked his best friend for what seemed like the 500th time today. But still nothing. “Charge to 250.” Liam shocked him, again. But still nothing. Zayn and Liam quickly started doing compressions. Switching when one of them was getting to weak to continue. They were not going to stop. They couldn’t stop. They couldn’t let Harry leave them like this. Couldn’t let him leave Louis like this.

 

“He’s been down for 30 minutes’ doctors.” A nurse said. The doctors in the both of them knew it was over. But they couldn’t stop. They wouldn’t stop. Until a resident spoke up.

 

“Dr. Malik and Dr.Payne, it’s over.” He said.

 

“What the hell do you know? you’re a 2nd year resident.” Zayn said, voice spiked with venom as he traded with Liam, starting to push at Harry’s chest.

 

“Yes, I’m a 2nd year resident that was taught by you. You always taught me that when the patient is gone, they are exactly that, gone. And the best thing we could do, is to stop putting their bodies under so much stress, we have to let them go. That’s the only way to say sorry for not saving them. To let them go in peace. Let him go in peace.” The resident said with tears in his eyes. Zayn slowly let his compressions stop, not taking his eyes off of Harry’s face. Liam quickly pushed Zayn out of the way once he realized what was happening.

 

“Li, it’s over.” Zayn whispered, placing his bloody glove on Liam’s shoulder. Liam just ignores him, violently pushing on Harry’s chest.

 

“Liam. Stop it.” Zayn said sternly, he quickly slipped his face mask off and let the tears fall into his mouth and along his chin onto his neck. He hasn’t cried this much since his dog died when he was 12. But this wasn’t Molly his Pug. This was Harry. The man he’s known since Med school. The one who let him steal all the surgeries during internship. The man who held Zayn the night that his fiancé left him at the altar. This was his person, and he was dying, right in front of him. The only thing he could do is let Harry pass peacefully. Liam needs to understand that.

 

“LIAM I SAID STOP.” Zayn yelled grabbing Liam by his middle and walking him over as far away from Harry as possible. Liam was kicking and screaming, his voice becoming hoarse and his mask drenched from his tears.

 

“I HAVE TO SAVE HIM. LOUIS NEEDS HIM ZAYN. I NEED HIM. WE NEED HIM.” Liam sobbed, letting himself fall into Zayn’s arms. “I know Li, I know.” He whispered holding Liam as close as possible. He looked up at the clock, taking a deep breath, “Time of death, 21:15” Zayn said.

 

“Go and get changed and wait for me in the hall, we’ll tell Lou together.” Liam whispered, earning a confused look from Zayn but nonetheless a nod and a pat on the back. Liam watched Zayn walk out and all the nurses and the resident starting to clean up and close Harry up. He walked up to him and took his gloves off, letting his hands outline his pale face.

 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, H.” He cried, putting his forehead on Harry’s, letting his warm tears fall onto Harry’s cold skin and purple lips. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

 

**

 

Louis has been sitting in this damn chair for over 4 hours. His leg is about to fall off from having it shake so much. Why the fuck is nobody coming to inform him about anything. He quickly went to his feet when he saw Liam and Zayn walking towards him with their scrub caps in their hands. Louis couldn’t read their faces. He hated the fact that he could never read their fucking faces, I mean he should be used to this. They’re doctors, they’re trained to hide emotion but Louis really needs them to show him something right now.

 

“Hey L-,”

 

“How is he? Is he okay? Did you save him?” Louis asked cutting Zayn off and looking between his two best friends with tears falling from his eyes.

 

“Lou, we did everything we could b-“

 

“NO NO NO THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING. NO OH MY GOD PLEASE TELL ME HES ALIVE PLEASE.” Louis yelled sobbing, letting his voice crack. He knew everyone was staring at him but he couldn’t find himself to care. He looked at Liam and watched him shake his head, “He’s dead, Louis. I’m sorry.”

 

Louis couldn’t do it. He collapsed onto the floor, slapping away Liam and Zayn’s hands who were trying to get him up. All he could do right now is yell and close in on himself. How could he have died? Just 5 hours ago they were planning on eating the best cheesecake in town. And now he’s lying on a table, probably turning blue and purple and cold. Harry hated being cold. Louis slowed down, looking up at Liam.

 

“Can I see him?” Louis asked.

 

“He doesn’t look like himself anymore Lou, I- “

 

“Of course, c’mon Lou.” Zayn cut him off, grabbing Louis by the arm and walking him to the OR. “Do you want me to come in with you or?” Zayn asked.

 

“Can you wait outside please.” Louis said, just above a whisper as he walked into the operating room. His breath hitched when he saw him. Covered in blue paper. He’s never seen an OR so dark, so quiet. He walked up to the table and grabbed Harry’s hand from under the ‘blanket’. He was so cold. So blue.

 

“Hey baby.” Louis whispered, pulling up a chair and sitting down. Running his fingers through Harry’s hair. “I understand. It’s okay. I’m not mad at you for dying. Don’t worry.” Louis smiled, wiping away some tears at an attempt to clear his vision which proved to not make one bit of a difference since every time he wiped a tear away, a whole new river came creeping down.

 

“Thank you for 17 beautiful years. For letting me be a part of your mesmerizing life for 17 years’ baby. I couldn’t have asked for a better husband.  You are my best friend. You will always be my best friend even now, that you’re gone. I remember you always said when you died you were gonna pull my feet at night, and I would always tell you we’d be pulling our kids feet together. I always thought we would grow old together. I knew we were going to die, but I always thought it’d be together. I always imagined us rocking on our porch, with wrinkles and oxygen tanks, holding each other’s hands. Because I knew we would’ve still loved each other. You are the love of my life. I will never find a love like I’ve shared with you, Harry. You were my one. And I know, I get it, you’re okay. You’re safe. You’re probably dancing like an idiot up there. But, me. It’s gonna take a little bit more time to even remember how to dance. And don’t get sad okay. It isn’t your fault; I’m just going to miss you is all. I can’t believe that I’m never going to be able to call you Harold. I know you secretly loved it, don’t even front baby. But, I, how do I go on knowing that the left side of the bed will be empty. How do I tell myself that I only have to make one cup of tea because you’re not here anymore?

 

“Harry, I can’t breathe. It’s like you were my air. I don’t care how cliché that sounds, oh my god Harry I can’t fucking breathe because you’re purple and blue and I know that there’s nothing in there but you still look so beautiful. How can you look so good? Always been quite the looker you. I’ll take care of your mom and Gemma, don’t worry about that okay? I just want you to be free and dance and laugh and tell all the knock knock jokes God will allow. And don’t you worry about us. We’re all going to be fine. I’ll be okay.

 

“I love you so much Hazza. My beautiful boy. Thank you for everything.” Louis choked out, standing up and connecting his warm lips to Harry’s cold purple ones, he knew he couldn’t kiss back, but that didn’t stop him from hoping he would.

 

He walked out and saw Zayn sitting on the floor with his head in his hands. Louis walked over and sat down next to him.

 

“He loved you, Z.” Louis whispered. “I was the love of his life, but you were his soulmate. You were his best friend, his person.”

 

“You trusted me with his life and I- “

 

“No, I know you and Liam did everything you could. I don’t blame you.” Zayn looked up and took Louis into his arms. Both of them just sobbing in the hallway. Watching the nurses and doctors looking at them with sympathetic eyes. Zayn, pulled Louis away by his shoulders and softly smiled at him.

 

“I’m sorry.” Zayn whispered. Louis just closed his eyes and nodded, not bothering to wipe the tears away anymore.

 

“Me too.” They again took on their position of Zayn cradling Louis. Letting him bawl into his chest. Zayn tightened his hold on Louis when he saw Gemma approaching them with tears in her eyes.

 

“He’s dead isn’t he?” She croaked out, looking down at Louis. He looked up at Zayn and nodded as they both stood up. Zayn giving Louis a pat on the shoulder and sending a sympathetic look at Gemma as he walked away.

 

“Yeah Gems, he’s dead.” Louis’ shaky voice said. Gemma finally let her sob out, placing her hand over her mouth. Louis took her into his arms. Both of them sobbing into each other’s shoulder.

 

“He wanted me to give you your dream wedding.” Louis whispered into her ear, causing Gemma to let out a loud sob. “I promise you, anything you want you will get, love. Anything.” He said placing his hand on her neck, making her feel safe. As safe as he possibly can with her dead brother on the other side of the door, and Louis' body shaking like it’s about to collapse.

 

“My brother’s dead, Lou. Your husband is dead. Harry’s dead.” Gemma said looking at him with wide, tear filled, eyes. Louis looked at her, with the same exact expression.

 

“Oh my god.” Louis breathed out. Grabbing onto her like if he were to let go, they would both fall into an abyss of darkness and emotions he was not ready to face. All he had right now was her. She was the closest thing he had to Harry. He couldn’t let go.

**Author's Note:**

> follow on tumblr if you'd like x
> 
> pavedgolds


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